Belize. What a trippy place....... a crazy mixed bag of Creole, Mayan, Rasta, Garifuna, Mestizo, Mennonite, Amish, Hispanic and other cultures. We just returned from a two week jaunt that originated as my sister's 40th birthday gift to her husband and morphed into a giant party for all of us. My wife and I and the awesome force-of-nature known asw GNB joined the festivities after it was decided to spend a week on Ambergris Cay and a week in Placencia. My sister gave my BIL the trip as a birthday surprise at El Gaucho in Portland and then we all chimed in with gifts of an 8 wt flyrod, saltwater fly reel and other goodies. He was still in shock over the flyrod and reel when we told him we were ALL going. His shit-eating grin spoke volumes!!! My BIL is a tax accountant and with the submittal deadline over, it was time to thaw out, hook lots of fish and have some adventure down south.
Thanks to ColeyG for the awesome intel............I printed out those notes you sent and they helped a lot bro!
The trip started when we all met up in Houston, then boarded a flight to Belize City. Somehow cold cups of Belikin magically appeared in our hands as soon as we arrived at the airport..........
A mandatory stop for rum punch at Jet's Bar before boarding the tiny 12-seaters for Ambergris........................
Shots from the plane ride to San Pedro..........
Chillin' in San Pedro.....................there was a giant school of bonefish right behind this little girl between the two boats.....
The pet Coatimundi of a local artist. Her name is Kiara and he captured her in the jungle when she was a baby. We also saw a wild one crossing a road......
Mayan women heading to work.....
Tons of friendly beach dogs.....none barked or yapped....our dogs could take a lesson from these critters.....
Then a day of fun fishing for various species of snapper and mackerel plus some snorkeling, spearfishing and shore lunch with local legends Scuba Stevie and Rasta Danny....................................
We got into plenty of schoolmaster and yellowtail snapper........some spots were literally carpeted with snapper and small grouper.
Belikin break......
My BIL…..the fishkiller at work with his Hawaiian sling..................
Trying for a huge cuda that kept following my waxwing to the boat....
My sister with another for the fish stew..............
GNB adds a conch to the menu....................
Shore lunch ingredients
Local residents
"Mingo, DAMMIT mon! I'm NOT giving you 'dat special recipe, don't even try to ask again! MON!!" This dude cooked up a very tasty shore lunch!
Steve and Danny cleaning our lunch......
Good grub....snapper and conch stew.....
Hitting the flats with the flyrods after lunch..................
Strip strip strip whack! Bone?
Nope........................jack.
Then the next day.............a trip to Cay Caulker. Go to Cay Caulker. You will love it. Budget Man cooks up a mean lunch of shrimp and coconut rice...
Chillin' at the Lazy Lizard bar ......one of the coolest little joints in the tropics.......
We hit a flat next to the bar....no bones, but the place was crawling with small snapper and jacks.....
My new boat, the S.S Mingo.........
Stingrays are everywhere. Shuffle your feet when you walk in the water!
the Great Blue Hole of Belize.
We'd wanted to see the blue hole ever since watching all those Jacques Cousteau programs when we were kids. This thing is 480 feet deep and an absolute trip. It is a loooooong boat ride from San Pedro to get there in rough seas, but well worth it. Brian and GNB are both divers, so they were tanking it while my me, my wife and my sister snorkeled. Snorkeling over 480 feet of water full of sharks is pretty surreal and definitely not for the faint of heart. We saw big sharks zipping around and monster grouper that could suck you into their gaping maw in one gulp.......we saw so many different species of fish I lost count. Hogfish, parrotfish, snapper, grouper, triggers, sharks of many species, tons of awesome coral formations etc..............it was underwater Disneyland. Snorkeling is frustrating for me because I want to hook every fish I see. I have rotten vision, so for this trip I did myself a favor and bought a mask with prescription lenses installed. It is not nearly as expensive as I thought and I know where to get it done locally. If anyone is interested PM me and I'll shoot you the details. I didn't have an underwater camera but GNB had his GoPro and took some shots.......
After we swam the perimeter of the blue hole, our snorkel guide yells out "HUGE SHARKS! EVERYBODY OVER HERE! BIIIGGGGG SHARKS!" and you think to yourself "isn't that kind of counterintuitive? To go TOWARD the huge sharks?" but it was amazing to see them all.
GNB getting pumped to plunge to the abyss. He and Brian went to about 180 feet each......you suck a lot of oxygen at that depth!
Brian emerges from the deep blue sea.............
Half Moon Cay off in the distance....we snorkeled over there.....
After the final snorkel stop, we had lunch on Half Moon Cay....................
We partied that night at a cool bar built on a dock (as are many places in Belize) called the Tackle Box with Captain Mick, Blinky and Ralph, our Captain and dive guides for the Blue Hole dive. I guarantee this joint isn't on Fodor's list of recommended restaurants, but it had live reggae, awesome snapper 'n chips, cold Belikin and the hottest chicken wings I've ever choked on.......................nobody was feeling any pain that night....
"Mingo, mon, it a GOOD 'ting you didn't see 'dat BEEG shark following you back to 'da boat, mon!" "Damn dude, I'm glad I didn't know that at the time!"
My brother-in-law dances like a white guy....
About three hours of sleep that night, then off to see the Mayan ruins at Xunantanich. This tour required a 90 minute water taxi ride and three hours of pothole madness at 90 MPH in a crappy van with no A/C. Our driver insisted on passing EVERY vehicle on the road. We stopped counting at 14 near-head-on-collisions. BIL said he crapped his pants on the ride from Belize City. NOT for the faint of heart! .
Xunantanich is located atop a ridge above the Mopan River, well within sight of the Guatemala border only half a mile to the west. After we climbed the famed pyramid known as "El Castillo" we saw some uniformed Belizean Army regulars with weapons at the base, staring off into the jungle toward Guatemala. Our guide admitted that tourists had been robbed and shot to death by Guatemalan bandits in the recent past so it was good to see some army dudes packin' serious heat!!
Belizean soldiers searching for Guatemalan thugs........
Temple grounds………
The gang at the base of El Castillo
Atop El Castillo. This is the 2nd highest structure in the entire country.
There are no OSHA standards here........no guardrails, no elevators down.............if you don't like heights, DON'T GO! If you fall, you're python food!!
A view of the ruin compound from the top of El Castillo
An old hand-cranked ferry ride across the Mopan.............it felt like a scene from an Indiana Jones movie.
The next day the guys went bonefishing with our guide 'Nano'. We hit several small mangrove cays at the very southern tip of Ambergris. We hooked plenty of bonefish and saw some huge barracuda stalking the flats and mangrove shoreline. Unfortunately, most of the shots of that day were on my brother-in-law's camera, which was stolen by some scumbag on Placencia........all that remains are these shots and this video of yours truly landing a bonefish........................BIL hooked up:
Keep in mind “big” is a relative term in Belize. Most bonefish there run small…………..
That night we went to the notorious Chicken Drop ...... this weekly event happens each Thursday night. A live chicken is dropped onto a numbered grid. People buy tickets and if the chicken shits on your number, you win cash.....and you have to CLEAN THE ##it!
Yours truly heading inside to buy our tix....
A volunteer (usually female) is somehow coerced into blowing into the chicken's butt to "convince it to drop a load"......
An enthusiastic young Chicken Drop fan watches the action.......
People scream like maniacs trying to coax the bird into crapping on their number.............
And the "winners" get to clean up the chicken ##it before collecting their $1,000 prize ($1,000 Belize = $500 U.S.)
Then it was off to Placencia for more chillin', fishing and general mayhem............
The approach. Try snapping a photo of the runway over the shoulder of a pilot in the USA.....this guy just laughed......
....................my wife naps in our hammock while Angel the Beach Dog relaxes on our porch.......
The daily menu at the bar next door......
Home sweet home for the week....
Morning coffee, Belize style.......
The ocean is their Day Care......
We celebrated my wife's birthday with beach time, cold cocktails and dinner at Yoli's joint. This place (and the cast of wackyy characters you will see there) is straight out of a Jimmy Buffet song, only rougher. Go there for Sunday BBQ or any time............you will feel that vibe. Yoli scrapes each plate right into the ocean "to feed 'dose little snappers!" She is a trip.
Birthday breakfast
Beach birthday party with rum 'n coke in the surf......
The legendary Eworth "Cho" Garbutt put me in touch with Jason Westby and we booked a day to go chase bones and tarpon. When you look up guides in Belize, you might notice they all seem to come from three families, the Westbys, Leslies and Cabrals. They all know each other, they are inter-related at various points and these guys can read water like nobody's business. Jason picked us up right on the beach in front of our bungalows................................
Brian had his first two bones chomped by a huge cuda.................here he's fighting (briefly) a bonefish and a 30 pounds barracuda before it cut his line and stole his fish AND favorite fly.............
"Did that just really happen?" The look of a man who just got robbed by a thieving cuda .................... the whole event was repeated five minutes later!
Jason was ready with the pushpole to smack a cuda on the snout if it went after another of Brian's bonefish......
The next several hours brought nonstop action
Down and dirty fight........
Then we decided to try for tarpon. A brief stop at Tarpon Cay, then several hours casting in the hot (I mean, BAKING, roasting, heat stroke hot) sun in a spot called "Hell's Oven" by our guide.
Fish! Finally .... A tarpon perhaps?
Nope..................another JACK!
It was hotter than the surface of the sun......
A couple days partying, fishing and chilling at Robert's Grove, Turtle Inn (Francis Ford Coppola's overpriced resort/bar/restaurant) and other points in between.
Breakfast of champions.....a stuffed Fryjack at De'Tatch
We rented a golf cart one day....all five of us piled in and made frequest stops for Belikin to support the local economy.
Fishing at various restaurant docks throughout the day.......
GNB the mega pimp at Robert's Grove .........
Romance and nachos.........
Placencia Painkillers........a great cocktail....
Local homes in the Garifuna town north of Placencia..........
Then the mythical "Coconut Man" of Placencia came by to serve up fresh coconut cocktails. This guy can scale a tree faster than any Samoan I've seen so far....................he'd go up, knock down enough coconuts for a party and start serving! The guy had some awesome carvings we bought too...and coconut shot glasses.....
BIL trying his hand at being the Great White Coconut Man....with a sunburn…..
I need to get better at this...................
Fill 'er up!
Then we signed up for a jungle tour up the Monkey River to see wild Howler Monkeys in their natural habitat.............it was an awesome 45 minute panga ride from Placencia through some narrow mangrove cuts.
Monkey River, population 50....City Hall:
Hoops anyone?
Heading upriver to see monkeys and crocodiles.......
Heading into the jungle.......15 seconds after I snapped this shot, we were all bitten by swarms of fire ants. The jungle was carpeted with them......little nasty bastards!!
Our guide told us this bamboo grove has been in the jungle for hundreds of years and is NOT native to Belize. It had been deliberately planted by someone but had been there since before the Conquistadors arrived to F everything up for the locals. My wife and I looked at each other and said "Holy ##it, Gavin Menzies was right!"
1,300 species of mammals in Belize and 700 are bats.....I hate bats.....especially ones that like to suck your blood when you turn your back........
Then, after a long hike through the jungle, we found the troupe of howler monkeys.....these things are LOUD!
After the tour, a stop for a fresh dose of flaming dysentery at Alice's Restaurant.....
This is a Gibnut, also known as the Spotted Paca.....a local delicacy.....this one is a baby, being fattened up for Sunday dinner. His name is Stew......
A final stop at Jet's Bar at the Belize City airport before boarding our flight home. Jet stands about 4 feet tall...................somehow, I think he likes it that way!!
What a trip..............
There's never a dull moment fishing with Mingo. He'll literally having you laughing your ass off all day long 
